Dating in the Face of "The Book"

Romantic relationships today are no longer what they used to be. No more anxiously waiting by the phone for your boyfriend to call. No more ringing the doorbell to pick your girlfriend up for a date. No more mustering up the courage to finally ask your crush to get dinner and see a movie with you.  No, these days have since been forgotten due to the extensive use of cell phones and especially social media sites such as Facebook. This technology has taken away some of the excitement and mystery that you feel while in a relationship because you are in constant contact with each other. Facebook has a negative impact on romantic relationships because the constant monitoring that it allows for fosters jealousy and misconceptions.

            Facebook seems to be the reason behind a large amount of relationship issues today. From, “Oh my god, he could upload that photo but ignored my text?” to, “He is friends with that girl now. There’s definitely something he’s hiding from me,” the social media site creates an infinite amount of misconceptions. Now, it’s important to recognize that these misconceptions and jealousy go hand in hand, and they hold together quite tightly. The constant monitoring of a significant other’s account results in the snooping partner finding something “suspicious,” then continuing on to blow it out of proportion, and thus becoming jealous of the situation that they most likely, but not always, created with their vivid imagination. The other partner may in fact be incredibly loyal and have nothing to hide, however, the surveillance leads to a disruption in their autonomy, privacy, and the stability of the relationship (“How Facebook Affects our Relationships”).

            Let’s look at an example. Chris and Emma had been dating for a month, and if you were wondering, yes, they even made it “Facebook Official.” They were still getting to know each other and had a lot to learn. One day, Emma was scrolling through her news feed when a selfie of a pretty girl showed up, a girl who she had never seen before. She then realized that this picture showed up on her news feed because Chris had liked it. Emma quickly became bothered and began to “Facebook stalk” the girl in the photo. As she did, she saw that Chris had liked and commented on many of her photos, and had even posted on her wall as well, all within the month they had been dating. She became furious and automatically assumed that Chris was interested in this other girl and would cheat on her, if he hadn’t done so already. So, Emma then took it upon herself to end their new relationship to avoid getting hurt. After their relationship had since ended, Emma discovered that the pretty girl in the photo was actually Chris’ cousin and that she had ruined a perfectly good and new relationship over something her mind manifested.

            You may think that this is an over exaggerated, dramatized story but situations like this do happen today because of the constant monitoring. This is a case of someone seeing something worrisome on his or her significant other’s Facebook page and acting on it rather than discussing it in a mature manner. According to Jennine Estes, a couples’ therapist from San Diego, "Our minds automatically try to guess what the full story is. Most of the time, [they] go to worst-case scenario and try to predict something that’s not necessarily the case” (“Facebook Relationship Problems”). This combination of creating a false reality and misconceiving information especially rings true for those who often turn to feelings of jealousy when feeling threatened in some way. Jealous people may very often feel threatened that others are going to get in the way of their romantic relationship. The essential “stalking” that Facebook allows enables these people to constantly skim through their partner’s posts just to "check in" and make sure no one its trying to steal him or her. Already jealous people create even more jealousy within themselves by doing this and begin to imagine the “worst-case scenario,” leading to further issues.

            You might be thinking, "Wow, ALL of this can be caused just from a silly social media site?" Unfortunately, yes, it can. However, not every couple is impacted negatively by Facebook and the monitoring that it allows. Facebook can be a wonderful source of communication, especially for long distance relationships, as I have been experiencing first hand. That being said, it has to be used properly and not abused. When it is abused, which is quite frequently, that’s when the misconceptions and jealousy begin, as mentioned above. It’s important for couples to maintain healthy communication outside of Facebook and other forms of social media so that if any misunderstandings do arise because of it, they are able to figure them out in a civil way. Dating in the 21^st century is not like it used to be, nor will it ever be again and we need to learn how to adapt our relationships to work with the technology that surrounds us every single hour of the day.

Sources:

"How Facebook Affects Our Relationships." Psychology Today. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 Oct. 2015. 

Bindley, Katherine. "Facebook Relationship Problems: How Social Networking And Jealousy Affect Your Love Life." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, n.d. Web. 13 Oct. 2015.